McCain loses out at Galco’s Old Time Grocery
Galco’s, the world-famous soda pop stop on York in Highland Park, is my favorite place to get Jolt Cola, Manhattan Specials, and the hottest ginger ale known to man. That’s why I was pretty shocked, and a little hurt, to walk in earlier today and see shelf upon shelf of this soda:
Could it be true? Could the good-natured, ruddy faced, barrel-chested owner of Galco’s, the guy who knows so many fascinating facts about the history of diet grape soda, now be showing himself to be a maverick-licker in sheep’s clothing? There was nary a single Obama soda around! What the hell was going on?
As we checked out, I hit up the young hipster check-out dude for info. “So, you guys seem to have a lot of McCain sodas over there!” I casually dropped. Like an anvil.
“Oh yeah!” he replied, “The Obama ones totally sold out! We couldn’t keep them on the shelves! Everybody wanted the Obama ones but no one buys the McCain ones.”
Thank god. I can still shop at Galco’s. It’s not that my favorite local haunt in Highland Park is run by fascists–it’s that they are a non-partisan soda shack that just can’t withstand the local demand for HOPE.
And I shouldn’t be surprised. A little research online shows that McCain sodas aren’t even outselling Ron Paul!
It’s worse for John McCain than anyone imagined. He’s slipped to third place! That’s according to Jones Soda’s latest ranking of its best-selling presidential-candidate novelty coolers. Barack Obama’s Yes We Can Cola is currently the front-runner. Defying all odds (even in the cola world), Ron Paul is running second with his Ron Paul Revolution Cola. John McCain’s Pure McCain Cola, meanwhile, has fizzed out at No. 3, barely ahead of Hillary Clinton’s Capitol Hillary Cola.
When even a pure capitalist enterprise, one that packages sugar-water for the masses with fancy labels they don’t have to pay creative rights for, winds up proving yet again Obama’s undying popularity, I think it’s the final sign I need to believe that McCain’s bubble has popped (pun intended). If McCain wins, I will no doubt be picking up the nearest bottle of soda and smashing it over some corrupt election rigger’s face. Okay, probably not, but this is definitely not a bottle, er, battle that McCain can win fair and square.