Paul Simon needs to go suck his own nuts, but he’s too short to reach.
I was watching the Colbert Report tonight night, and his special guest was Paul Simon.
Colbert asked Simon about his book, Lyrics, which contains pretty much all of Paul Simon’s songwriting since 1964. But when Colbert asked Simon if there were any songs that barely made the cut, Simon immediately said, yes, “Red Rubber Ball” was not one of his proudest moments.
Paul, are you fucking kidding me? This song (as made famous by the Cyrkle) is possibly in the top five best things you’ve ever done. You fucking shmuck. You and your goddamned Africanesque polyrhythmic soft-and-warbly Jim Croce bullshit. Your asshole songs with faux poignant lyricism about going to Graceland and being some stupid girl’s bodyguard make me hate you nearly as much as your crappy movie, One Trick Pony. Go and die.
But first, write us another ten songs as good as this one: