why we all need to pay for schools

I wrote a reply to this question on Quora:

“I’m sick of paying for everyone else’s kids to go to school. Why can’t people without children pay smaller amounts of school tax than people with children?”

One of these days, you’re going to be old. You’ll be so old that you won’t be able to make decisions for yourself, and despite your very best intentions to save and provide for yourself at the height of comfort, and even if you’ve filled out a thoroughly detailed living will saying what kind of treatment and care you want, you’ll inevitably wind up in a situation where much younger people, people who are not your children, will be at least some part of the process of putting tubes in your mouth, wiping up after you use the bathroom, giving you your meds, taking your blood, and examining your stool.

Do you really want those younger people to be uneducated?

You know what the uneducated are like, right? They’re the type to possibly misread the label, or get simple math wrong when calculating how much hemoglobin to put in your eye catheter, or whatever modern science will dictate we do to old people when you’re old?

Worse yet, do you really want to be getting that care in a world where your country has gone way down the tubes due to a lack of capably educated scientists, technicians, engineers, and even artists? You might be in a world of pain, a world where the good forms of Oxycodin have long been replaced by Bayer Aspirin! Or worse, “bear aspirin,” since no one can read properly!

And if you’re a religious man, what about education regarding theology?

Do you want to run the risk of being on your death bed, and instead of calling for a “priest for you,” the person reading your chart misreads the label and calls for a “prostitute?”

And what if this sex worker then in turn has such a lousy education that instead of administering a “blowjob,” which wasn’t what you wanted but at least might not be a bad way to leave this mortal coil, they misread the already misread instructions and give you a “blood job,” which they improvise by unplugging one of the tubes that’s extracting your blood, sticking it into one or more of their own orifices, and then making you drink it while all your kids are watching because they think “hey, it’s the old guy’s final request, who are we to say he can’t get a blood job?”

Do you see the problem here, Muford? You could have had a long and happy senior twilight, with everything taken care of by good, smart people in an environment of well-maintained hospice care. But instead, now you’ll be spending your last few precious moments drinking poo blood, all because you were too lazy to pay taxes to help educate the generations that followed you.

If you’re going to be that short-sighted, I think you deserve the poo blood!

And the worst part is, you won’t even be able to ask us to pray for you, because we’ll misread that as “prey” and just get up and leave to go hunt for human brains to eat, since we’ll all be zombies in the post-apocalyptic wasteland of stupidity, a wasteland that, yes, you created.

Way to go, Muford.

D. M. Collins

D. M. Collins is a journalist and writer based in Los Angeles.

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