Okay, that’s not really what science says. I’m just looking at one study, and what it’s really trying to get at is whether sexual preferences regarding gender, among other things, affect your outlook on the benefits and detriments of monogamy.
Now, this study has some limitations. It also has only 16 questions in its survey, 8 in the “pro-monogamy” side and 8 on the “pro-not-monogamy” side, which whittles down the accuracy that people may be answering the questions differently than the surveyors think all that much more. It also has only 6 gender queer participants, with the vast majority of them identifying as men or women. And sadly for me, since I really want to know how bi people think, this survey group was sadly lower in participants who were LGBTQ+ than who were straight (though not necessarily from a lack of trying–the population of the survey lined up along relatively normal percentages).
On the plus side, they had over 6,000 participants, of whom 65% were men, a neglected group in the bi world, but still with a healthy grouping of women.
And the results are in!
Of all the sexualities listed here, straights are more of the belief that monogamy is enhancing, and the least in agreement that it’s a sacrifice. But bisexuals think it’s the least good of all! Statistically the numbers for all groups are pretty similar: most people don’t really thinks monogamy is a chore, but far fewer than half actually think it’s a blessing.
While most bi people I know don’t fit the stereotype of the “slutty and indecisive bisexual,” I’m glad to see that I’m not alone in being a bisexual who thinks monogamy leaves something to be desired.
You’ve got to read this report in its entirety, because some of its revelations outside of sexual orientation are the most fascinating.
For example, apparently people in relationships hate it when their significant other has friends of the “gender of romantic interest.”
More people think it’s acceptable within a relationship to view porn or fantasize about other people than think it’s okay for their partner to have a friend with the same genitals they have:
Considering that most people who are queer have to be accepting of friendships like this (because who are we going to bro down with, breeders?), this makes me suspect that it’s mostly the straights who have this hangup, and that their acceptance of male-female friendships might likely plummet to below 50% without being buttressed by their queer friends.
And while the stereotype that “bisexuals have a hard time with commitment” has been more or less supported by this study, there’s at least one myth this thing contradicts, which is the one about how “men only care about sex, and women only care about relationships.” For the people surveyed who are currently in relationships, this report says the whole thing is flipped on its head.
There was a significant gender different in level of relationship satisfaction (F(3) = 4.02, p < .01) and sexual satisfaction (F(3) = 4.39, p < .01), such that women (M = 3.01) were significantly more relationally satisfied than men (M = 2.70) and men (M = 3.86) were significantly more sexually satisfied than women (M = 3.56).
One thing is for sure–after reading this report, I’m even more convinced that monogamy is not all it’s cracked up to be. Because of all the naysayers of monogamy, the people who say the most nay are the ones who actually are experiencing the most monogamy in their lives right now.
And married people hate monogamy the most of all!
Based on post-hoc tests, participants in the category “seriously dating one or more people” (M = 4.05) have significantly more negative attitudes toward monogamy than all other categories. Additionally, married participants (M = 5.16) have significantly more negative attitudes toward monogamy than participants who are seriously dating one person (M = 5.43), all significance levels are based on a p-value of .05 or less.